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I had a really weird dream about surfing.

I was at a beach near my old home in Brighton. I was there to surf some big waves that had been reported to be breaking on the beach soon.

I got out on my surfboard and started to drift out to sea no matter how hard I tried to get back to shore, I just kept drifting back out to sea.

Eventually these big waves came along, the ones that were due to break, I decided that this was my only chance to get back to shore safely under my own force.

The first couple of waves got me somewhere back nearer to where I wanted to be the third wave however was much stronger than the first two and started to drag me under. I struggled and tried to resurface in the end though I lost and could feel myself starting to drown.

I then woke up and it was a few seconds before I realised I was actually able to breath and not be inhaling sea water.

I did have a cold at the time; that explains the not being able to breath properly – I’m finding it hard to decipher the meaning of the sea and the land.

I’m guessing the shore is something that I was trying to achieve, somewhere in my life I wanted to get to? Maybe the dream was meant as a message of “You’re trying too hard” to achieve whatever the shore represented.

Maybe the waves drowning me was a way of saying “you don’t actually want / need to get to get to the shore” or the likely hood of obtaining the shore is very small so don’t even try just relax and go with it!

 

Choices when you look at them from a simplistic point of view are indeed very simple. You either do something or you don’t. Life then looks like a binary tree of choices. At each junction along the way we close one door, pass through the other closing it behind us and move toward our next junction; effectively snipping off a branch of the ‘might have been’ along the way.

This week I’ve had to make some pretty tough choices. I’ve had to close doors that I never really wanted to close and snip of branches of my ‘might have been’ to arrive here in the present.

Although the choices I have made have been tough I feel so much better having made them. I feel a sense of control that I’ve not really felt for a while.

I’m guessing if you pull far enough away from all your choices, your life starts to look a bit like all the veins in a leaf. I’m not exactly sure why but it makes me feel good inside to think my life is just a leaf, fluttering gently in the wind.

Thinking about it, the secret to a truly happy life is not to regret the doors you’ve closed or the pruning of the ‘might have been’ but to truly embrace the junctions you are at and give yourself fully to those decisions.

Over the next few days and weeks I’m going to try and do just that.

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